When we moved last year and were meeting with our new realtor for the first time, we immediately bonded because she is a twin mom too. While we were taking a break from looking at house listings, she and I were talking about our first weeks home with our babies and the special kind of crazy bringing home twins brings. She said it is all such a blur to her that she doesn’t have her first real, detailed memory of them until after they were a month old. All I could do was laugh and commiserate! I have some very vivid memories of my babies in the early days but I definitely understand feeling like parts were a sleep-deprived blur! I’m not even going to pretend (for one single second!) that life with newborn twins is easy BUT you can do it. Here are my tips on how to survive newborn twins and live to tell the tale. 😉
1.The first piece of advice I have is one that I have to literally remind myself of every single day. Do NOT compare yourself to mommas with only one baby. It is NOT the same – you have 100% more newborns to take care of! My sister-in-law and a couple other friends had babies right around the same time my twins were born. I would hear about taking their babies out and about- running errands, going to the park with their older kids, etc. and I felt like I should have it together and be able to do those things too. It took me a long time to realize the super obvious fact that I had TWO brand new babies and they had one so of course it was harder for me to do those things! I still struggle with that daily while I have two active toddlers to keep track of when we are out!
2. Put your family first. Those first few months after welcoming twins can be quite a steep learning curve. Do what is best for your family always. If that means that you feel like you can’t travel to see family for a holiday like you usually would or keep your running dinner date with a friend right now then explain to them, offer apologies and don’t feel guilty about it. We felt a lot of pressure about keeping holiday plans or spending time with our family/friends like everything was the same as when we were a family of four. But it wasn’t the same! We spread ourselves way too thin, had to deal with some seriously crabby kids and regretted not doing what was best for our family even if others didn’t understand. After those experiences, we decided to keep other people’s feelings in consideration but in the end always put our family first.
3. Take advantage of the wealth of knowledge available to you when you are in the hospital. Those NICU/nursery nurses are amazing. If you don’t know what to do or wonder if something is normal – ask! Especially if your twins are your first babies, ask your questions and get advice from the professionals. Our NICU nurses helped us get our twins on the same feeding schedule so they would also be on the same sleeping schedule. The lactation consultants at our hospital were invaluable to my success breastfeeding my twins. Our doctors helped ease my concerns on whether to sleep the babies together or separate. We left the hospital nervous (obviously) but feeling confident we could do it!
4. Accept help and ask for it when you need it! This is common advice for new mommas this but it sure is hard sometimes to do. A week or so after our twins were born, we were attempting to care for our older boys and Luke at home while making it back and forth to the NICU to visit and feed Reid at least 4 times a day. I was recovering from my c-section and emotionally/physically exhausted but I didn’t want people to think I couldn’t handle having twins and ask for help. My parents one day called and insisted they bring dinner/help with our older boys so we could go to the NICU together and it was such a massive relief. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t asked sooner. They came up every evening until Reid came home and I know we couldn’t have done it without them.
5. Allow yourself some grace and be kind to yourself. Let the laundry go as much as you can. Let the house go for awhile. Order take out. Take a break when your babies sleep. You have been through so much and so much is demanded of you and your body. Be patient with yourself!
6. Don’t forget about your spouse/partner. The newborn days are hard and I think the only way we got through was because we were determined to be a team. It’s exhausting for you both and may not come as naturally to your other half, so try to find an ounce of patience. And when you can’t find that patience remember, anything said in that sleep-deprived haze at 3AM is immediately forgivable under twin code. 😉
7. Do your very best to remember- this part will not last forever. Someday soon you will sleep again. Someday soon there will be some quiet. Someday soon you will feel like you kind of, sort of have it together again. I promise.
Snuggle those babies. Take a breath. You got this momma!
Twin Mamas- any other advice?
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